Ab Isong: Before You Think of Marriage – (Learn To Adjust)


Marriage is a coming together of two different individuals from two different backgrounds, orientation and training. Each of the party is a product of a home with a different perception, belief system, religious, moral standard, lifestyle, culture, tradition, thought system and world view; they have their norms and value (cultural, social and religious), food, clothing, language, habit, pattern of greeting among others, mostly in an inter-cultural marriage (good for you if you luckily share this same differences).

Hence, before you think of getting married, whether your spouse is from the same cultural, social and religious background with you or not, the first paramount thing is your ability to adjust in order to accommodate the difference listed above.


This adjustment is not a one-sided affairs, it must be done by both parties. Husbands must be ready to adjust and accommodate the wife’s subtle differences just as the wives are always ready to do same.


Apart from cultural, social and religious difference, the most important adjustment in marriage comes in the area of individual personal differences (IPD). Each person, including you and I, has a peculiar lifestyle, mind-set, belief system, world view, perception, personal habits, standards, moral values and norms of living (personal principles). If your marriage must work without unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings, then you must be ready and always ready to adjust to suit and accommodate your spouse’s individual differences.


This does not mean you must necessarily be a play-script of your spouse ( i.e. doing just the things he or she likes or the things he or she want you to do, Nope). It simply means avoiding those things you know he or she dislikes or warns you against most often.


Most times, men do feel that they don’t need to adjust to suit their wives’ desires. They believe it is the duty of the wife to drop any lifestyle or habit that the Husband disapproves of. This is wrong. If you truly love your wife, you should be able to shun smoking if she does not like it, stop keeping late night if she complains among others.


She must not be the only one to drop her lifestyle simply because you don’t like it or drop some friends you don’t find worthy of your home and marriage. As the Husband you also need to respect her and adjust. These are things that bring marital Bliss in most homes!


On a very personal note, my father never saw fufu as a food prior to marrying my mum, according to him, the very sight of fufu irritated him. But fufu became one of his best foods in the house!


How did it happen? Adjustment… According to him, he couldn’t just sit there and watch his wife eat the fufu alone, so one day; he decided to give a try! Most couples around the world have this testimony but in more serious cases!

Adjustment in marriage brings understanding, Mutual ”cohesiveness”, unity, and reduces conflicting issues at home.


Are u ready to adjust?


Ab. Isong is the President/CEO, Before & After Marriage (BAM). For Free Relationship-Marriage Counselling & Prayers. WHATSAPP: 08036027776, PHONE/SMS: 08036027776 or +2348036027776, E-mail: abrahamisong@gmail.com, TWITTER: @abisong_live


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